


In the Silent Way

by Stella_Delilah



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Baggage, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 07:35:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6845065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stella_Delilah/pseuds/Stella_Delilah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve isn't tired of waiting. In fact, he would wait forever.</p>
<p>But finally, Bucky comes home.</p>
<p>Or, how I imagined Steve and Bucky seeing each other and making up again after the events in Winter Soldier.</p>
<p>Inspired by 'Silent Way' by Milo Greene<br/>Pre-Civil War</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Silent Way

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't posted jack squat in a while, but I had this in the files and I thought I might as well get rid of it since Civil War already messed up the possibility of it making any sense.  
> How I imagined Bucky meeting Steve again, when Steve been looking for him for months.  
> Inspired by 'Silent Way' by Milo Greene.

It starts on a Wednesday. As usual, Steve wakes up early, works out with the bench in his living room, makes a quick breakfast. It’s a normal day, it’s fine, he tells himself, even when he knows it’s not.

Because today marks exactly two years since he last saw Bucky Barnes. Before Ultron, and after the fall of HYDRA, when Bucky saved him from drowning.

(No one had seen who left him there, but Steve knows, he _knows_ it was his Bucky-)

They were taking some time off from training the new team. Natasha is at the base, along with the S.H.I.E.L.D. recruits, so he’s taking some time off. Nat not only recommended it, but she also mentioned that if she saw him back at the base within a month, she would kick his ass.

“You deserve it. Go home, Rogers.” To which Steve wanted to protest that there was nothing to do at home and he was better off here, but he didn’t. Because she would kick his ass.

Sam had wanted to discuss something or another with him, so he reluctantly left his apartment even though all he’d planned to do was curl up on his couch and watch reruns of millennial shows that he’d never seen. As much as he watched, he’d never quite understand the jokes, the humor of this generation. It was mostly filth.

 After this short meeting, Steve planned to go to the coffee shop and try to draw something, try to flirt with the busty waitress who always seemed to show up when he did, and then order takeout and go home.

 (How could it not have been Bucky?? There was no one else there, it doesn’t make sense, it HAD to have been Bucky--)

He’d just decided on sushi when he stepped on a wet piece of paper on the steps outside of his apartment. Furrowing his brow, Steve leaned over to grab the paper and deposit it into the trashcan. Just as he hovered near the public trash, he caught sight of his name on the page. He stopped, and read.

_im sorry about everything_

_Can I please come back_

_-BB_

The handwriting was scratchy and shaky, as though the writer had been writing it against something rough, and his hands were shaking from cold.

Steve stopped where he was, and looked around cautiously. He knew what those initials meant. Of course he did, how could he have ever forgotten? He scrambled to grab a pen from his bag and quickly flipped the page over, writing quickly against a light pole.

When it was really time to go (meaning leave now or be late), Steve left the note folded and tucked under on the of the flowerpots that he kept on his porch. As he walked away, he tried hard not to look around for Bucky; he knew that if the man didn’t want to be seen, he wouldn’t be.

On the other side of the note he’d written his answer.

_Yes._

The day ticked by much too slowly for Steve. He met Sam in the morning on one of the first levels of the building so that Nat wouldn’t see them, otherwise Steve’s face would be as red as her hair when she was done with him. Sam simply discussed some training techniques, some new recruitments from the old S.H.I.E.L.D., and then tried to casually mention something else.

“So. Steve.” Steve looked up at him and gave him his ‘bullshit detector’ face. Sam smiled thinly and looked down, then up again. “Have you heard anything else concerning…. The Winter Soldier?” He asked calmly. Steve tried to stay neutral, (stay CALM, Steve-) and answered with a sigh.

“No. I guess that when he wants me to find him, he’ll find me. He’s found me before.” Steve held back his other comment. _We always find each other._

Sam nodded and seemed to sigh a breath of relief. It wasn’t a surprise. They all knew that there were many who were connected with them that would feel better if Bucky was never found, or better yet- if his body was found. Sam didn’t want that, Steve knew, but still. For now, no Bucky meant good Bucky.

“I’m gonna head out. I have some stuff to do.” Steve lied, and Sam stared at him for a moment before nodding. He held out his hand and they gave each other a quick hug before Steve walked out into the too bright, too beautiful day. On his way home, he imagined how he might meet Bucky.

_“Steve…I-“_

_“It’s okay, Bucky. It’s all okay.”_

_“…..”_

_“You can come in.”_

_“Thank you, Steve.”_

_“You’re welcome, Buck.”_

_“I missed you.”_

_“Bucky, I…I missed you too.”_

And then he would feed his friend and kiss him, and they would do nasty things on his couch. And that would be that. It wasn’t healthy to think of your traumatized, depressed, best-friend-turned-assassin like that, but Steve already knew he was going to hell. Why not add one more thing to the list?

Home was a brownstone townhouse in Manhattan, far enough from the headquarters but close enough to a corner store and a market for his groceries. When he arrived, Steve tried not to look too conspicuous about searching everywhere for Bucky. He didn’t always remember everything, and Steve wouldn’t want to spook him, he might not ever come back. After taking a good five minutes to walk from his car on the curb to his doorstep about 15 feet away, Steve let out an inward sigh. Bucky was nowhere to be seen.

It was fine, he hadn’t said that he would show up today. It was fine.

(Except it wasn’t fine at all, where WAS he-)

Steve took his keys out of his pocket and swiftly hopped the steps to his front door. Before he unlocked the door and inevitably flopped onto his couch to curl up into a ball for the rest of the night, he decided to check if Bucky had even gotten the note.

Steve immediately dropped into a squat and lifted the flowerpot to examine the space underneath it. The note was still there, and Steve’s heart dropped into this stomach, but he ignored the disappointment that pooled in his belly. Instead, he stood slowly, as though he were decompressing, and unlocked his door. His home was two floors, although he barely went into this bedroom and his studio. He spent most of his time in the living room and would sleep in the guest bedroom whenever his legs were too exhausted for stairs.

Steve set his keys on the counter in the kitchen and picked up a takeout menu, facing his microwave.

“Hi.”

Steve whipped around with his hands up, ready to strike. And couldn’t stop himself from taking a huge inhale.

Bucky was sitting in the chair under the large window, his hands in his lap and his bag on the table. Steve stared at him. Bucky stared back. The movable kitchen island between them made the distance feel like miles, and Steve wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to cross that bridge.

“Hi.” Steve replied breathlessly. He was caught between trying not to run over and squeeze the life out of Bucky and also trying to stay standing upright. The air seemed thin all of a sudden.

“I can leave.” Bucky said softly, running his hand over his metal forearm. Steve was still, then shook his head fervently.

“No, you’re- you’re always welcome.” Bucky looked down at his palm and then nodded.

 Steve let out a short breath and tried again. “I wasn’t completely sure that you’d come.”

Bucky still didn’t look up, so Steve tried again.

“I missed you.”

This time, Bucky huffed a bit and shook his hair out of his face as he looked to his right, like there was some ghost that was bothering him.

“You could have at least checked in once in a while.” Steve forced himself to grit out, and then immediately regretted it. Bucky’s huge blue eyes met his, and then Bucky stood up abruptly. Steve put his hands up out of habit, and Bucky’s mouth twisted up.

“Buck…”

“I’m sorry I beat you up.” He said, almost shouting. Steve couldn’t do anything but stare at him. Bucky looked down, sniffling. “And I’m also sorry that I- that I tried to kill you. And I’m sorry that I said that I didn’t remember you. I just…”

Steve moved from around the island and stood in front of him. Bucky looked up at him, his eyes shining and his mouth partially open. He looked so broken, so lost and all Steve wanted to do was scoop him up and smother him in kisses and feed him soup. Bucky opened his mouth wider and tried to form words.

“Help.”

With that, he drew his hands up into his face and Steve could see that he was shaking. He drew Bucky into his arms and rubbed smooth circles in his back, whispering as many soothing things as he could think of. Bucky seemed to sink into him, mumbling incoherent things and rubbing his eyes on Steve’s shirt. They stayed like that for the longest time, until Bucky pulled away and Steve reluctantly released him.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” Bucky nodded, and Steve guided him into the bathroom, where he gently pulled Bucky’s shirt from his skin and ran him a lukewarm bath. Bucky sat on the toilet while Steve poured more bubble soap into the water and watched him listlessly, his eyes dark and huge. Steve turned to him and met Bucky’s eyes. Bucky seemed so small now, and Steve had to stop himself from just pulling him into his arms and into bed. He was obviously tired.

Steve stood from the side of the bathtub and cleared his throat. Bucky immediately sat up straight, as though he’d just been called to attention and Steve’s mind flittered back to their days in the army. He looked into Bucky’s tired eyes and toward the bath.

“You can- You can change now if you want.”

Bucky didn’t move, just kept staring at him. Steve blinked.

“Do you, um, need help?”

Bucky nodded, no emotion showing on his face. Steve forced his heart to stay calm as he came forward a step to pull Bucky up from the toilet. The other man stood motionlessly in front of him, letting Steve pull down his pants and remove his socks. Steve stopped for a moment when Bucky was just in his boxers, but thankfully Bucky turned slightly away, letting Steve back up. Bucky pulled down his underwear himself and stepped into the tub. Respecting his privacy, Steve bent to gather Bucky’s clothes and take them to the laundry basket.

Even though Bucky was his best friend, he smelled. Badly.

This was a strange situation. Steve stopped for a moment before going into the bathroom. Should he wait for Bucky to finish? Should he check on the other man? After rocking back and forth on his heels for a few moments longer, Steve knocked on the door softly. Bucky didn’t answer, so he pushed the door open just a few inches.

Bucky hadn’t even moved. He was simply laying in the bath with his back against the wall, only his head above the water. Steve had a huge tub, but Bucky seemed to only take up a small portion of it. When he entered, Bucky looked to him silently. Steve inwardly sighed.

“Can I help you wash?”

Bucky nodded, and his face seemed to flush.

Steve knelt by the bathtub and squeezed some of his own shampoo onto his fingers. He gestured for Bucky to lean forward, which Bucky readily obliged. After rubbing a small lather in his own hands, Steve began to run his fingers through Bucky’s hair and scrub the bubbles into his scalp. Bucky sighed audibly and leaned against the side of the tub. The two men sat there for a little while, with Steve working his way through the dandruff and dirt in Bucky’s hair and Bucky quietly enjoying it, with nothing but soft sighs every few strokes.

Finally, Steve motioned for Bucky to tilt back so that he could rinse his hair with the shower handle. Bucky immediately followed Steve’s movements and closed his eyes. Steve turned on the water and aimed the shower head at Bucky’s hair.

Suddenly, Bucky’s hand shot up to grip Steve’s arm. The other man immediately turned the handle to the wall and Bucky released him, scooting against the wall and breathing heavily. Steve took the moment to turn off the water and crouch nearer to him.

“Bucky, hey bud, you’re safe.” Bucky was breathing hard and trying to hide his hands in his hands and Steve felt his chest tightening as he pulled Bucky’s hands into his own. Bucky looked up with him, his eyes like oceans, and Steve was drowning.

“They used to-“ Bucky looked down. “They used a hose to spray me down if I-“

Steve didn’t even think twice. He climbed into the tub and sat down across from Bucky, who pulled his knees up into his chest.

“I’m here. You’re here. You’re safe. I am NOT going to let them get you again.” He said in an even, calm voice. Bucky seemed to believe it, although Steve was terrified every second.

Because Bucky could easily bolt away at any given moment, and Steve wasn’t sure that he would be able to catch him this time.

Bucky didn’t look at him, but he let Steve rub circles on the backs of his hands for a few moments. Then he spoke again.

“Are you taking a bath too?”

Steve balked and looked at himself. He’d climbed into the bathtub with no pretense, and with all of his clothes on.

“Um.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind. If you wanted to.”

Steve’s head snapped up to stare at him. Bucky wasn’t looking up, but his neck was a furious shade of red and the way that he was worrying his lip was doing things to Steve under the water. Steve fixed his mouth to deny him, to say that maybe he’d let Bucky finish washing off by himself, but then Bucky looked up at him and Steve felt as though his heart had stopped again.

“Yes.” He said softly, and stepped quickly out of the tub to strip. Bucky watched him, and not inconspicuously, yet not obscenely. When he had finished, and stepped back into the tub, naked again, Bucky was smiling softly at him and Steve thought he might burst.

“Can you turn around, please?” Bucky asked, and Steve immediately did so. Bucky moved close to him, almost flush against him. Steve held back a noise by biting his tongue.

Bucky reached for the shampoo and began to wash Steve’s hair in the same manner than Steve had done him. They’d never done anything like this before, but Bucky fell into rhythm as though they’d been like this a thousand times before.

After washing his hair and using bathwater to rinse the shampoo out, Bucky grabbed Steve’s loofah and began to run it softly against his skin. He splurted both bubble bath over Steve’s skin (which definitely didn’t remind Steve of another kind of splurting) and rubbed a bar of soap against him. Steve felt something uneasy inside of him when he realized that Bucky probably wasn’t quite sure which soap to use. Once Bucky had finished, Steve turned and did the same thing to him. Bucky sat patiently and obediently, letting Steve run his fingers through Bucky’s hair and carefully rinse him.

Once they finished, Steve handed Bucky a towel and led him into the bedroom. They changed with their backs facing each other, and Steve couldn’t help but think of them sharing the bed together….

“I’ll take the couch.”

As if he’d read his mind, Bucky spoke and Steve heard it through some sort of sexy daydream haze.

“No, you can have the bed.”

Bucky turned around at that, so Steve did as well. Bucky was gorgeous, even in just sweatpants. In fact, maybe more so. “It’s your house.” He said. Steve shrugged.

“At this rate, we may as well just share the bed.” He said lamely. Bucky stared at him for so long that Steve thought that maybe Bucky would just leave the apartment but then the other man turned toward the bed.

“Okay, that works for me.” He climbed into bed and under the covers, then looked back at Steve with an expectant look.

Steve blinked twice, and then turned off the lights quickly. He wasn’t sure how close Bucky would want to be, or how he’d want to be held. Would he even want to be held?

“Um, is this okay?” Bucky snuggled closer to him and Steve let himself relax. Bucky was laying facing away from him, but with his back extremely close to Steve’s chest.

“This is better.” Bucky sighed, and Steve felt his heart do a flip. He swallowed and gathered up his courage before leaning forward to press his hand softly against Bucky’s back, feeling the soft cotton of his shirt.

“Good night Buck.” Bucky lay still for a moment, and Steve held his breath. Then Bucky turned toward him and leaned over him. Steve stared into the man’s dimly lit, prepared for a hit or for the other man to try to choke him, or-

Bucky leaned forward a bit more and pressed their lips together.

Steve didn’t breathe.

Bucky then leaned back into their previous position and sighed softly. Steve stared at his back, not sure what to say or what to do. His brain felt like it was stuck on static and his mouth felt like mush. Out of the darkness came Bucky’s voice, husky, yet soft as silk.

“We used to do that, didn’t we?”

Steve took in a deep breath. “Yeah.” He replied.

Bucky scooted back a tiny bit, closer to Steve’s chest. “Was it okay that I did it again?” He whispered into the dark and Steve snaked an arm around Bucky’s waist to draw him closer.

“Yeah.” He said into Bucky’s shoulder. The other man nodded and relaxed against the pillow. Steve let out a breath and kissed against Bucky’s shoulder, letting his lips rest there. He didn’t let himself drift off to sleep until he heard Bucky’s breaths even out, slow and steady. And when he did fall asleep, it was with a smile on his face.

Because Bucky was back.

Bucky was safe.

Bucky was his, but more importantly- _Bucky remembered._


End file.
